By Cami Thomas

My cellphone glowed brightly on top of my coffee table, the vibration of a call rumbling through my apartment. It was early for a Saturday but by some miracle I was awake enough to click accept and hold it to my ear. 
“Hello?”
The familiar voice of an acquaintance buzzed into my ear. She was frantic almost, and I asked her to slow down. She asked if I was in Virginia and I told her that no, I was home in St. Louis. She explained that she’d been watching the news and that there were white supremacists marching through the streets with torches and guns, spouting Nazi rhetoric. Knowing my past experience with similar sightings in my hometown during the unrest in Ferguson, she warned me to stay indoors. Things like this have a tendency to spread, and if we’re seeing this in Virginia, it won’t be long until it happens somewhere else. 
I promised I would stay safe, and hung up the phone. Hours later I scrolled through Twitter to see the extent of the chaos in Charlottesville Virginia. I clicked past images of hundreds men, yelling and marching with the flames of tiki torches shining a grim shadow across rows of hands positioned in the Nazi salute. 
An onslaught of feelings shot through my body. Sadness at first, then confusion. I wondered, how is it that armed men carrying fire torches did not warrant the type of police response that I saw in Ferguson? After all, I had my phone taken and a police rifle held to my head for walking down South Florissant Road after the curfew. I became angry at the comparison because I know from firsthand experience that my passive approach to mourning was met with aggression, but men literally holding fire and wielding the Nazi salute was considered less of a threat. 
I became worried for my own safety, knowing I would be traveling into rural areas in the coming weeks. I reminded myself to map out the most public, safe gas stations and to wear a baseball cap low above my eyes when I drove through small towns. 
I was taken through an emotional rollercoaster, but I did not feel surprised. I didn’t see these images or have a fit of disbelief. There was no, “I can’t believe this is happening!” moment because frankly, there’s nothing surprising about this. Not at all. Imagine my disbelief then when I logged on to Facebook to be met with posts that indicated shock and awe. 
“I can’t believe this is happening! In 2017!” 
“Beyond words. I can’t believe what I’m seeing happening in Virginia.”
“This isn’t us! This isn’t what this country stands for. I can’t believe this”
I’ve spent the last few years going down the rabbit hole of intricate and detailed conversations on racism and its impact in modern America. There are hundreds of books and research and statistics that can support a thorough analysis of modern day American racism. So I’ll keep the following sentiment as simple and clear cut as I can possibly can. 
If you are surprised by what is happening in Virginia, then you have not been paying attention.
If a group of men marching through a college town spouting racist rhetoric is shocking to you, then you have been sheltered. If this is the first time you’re truly realizing that racism exists in the United States, then you have been avoiding what’s directly in front of you. 
If you’re surprised by anything happening in Virginia, I want you to answer the following questions. What did you actually think the Black Lives Matter protests were about? What did you think the No Ban No Wall movement was about? Ask yourself; did you ever stop to wonder why millions of people were marching in the streets, blocking highways, sitting during the national anthem, walking out of class, and gathering outside of airports? Did you think millions of people chose to gather, to be arrested, to be beaten, to be tear gassed, to be fired from jobs, to be harassed, to lose sleep, all just out of boredom? Ask yourself why you didn’t process their message, their pleas for help, their warning that racism was lurking and boiling under the surface of the country.
I stumbled across a Facebook post from an old classmate. It included three close up images of men from the white supremacist rally. The status rambled on about how disgusting it was that the men who participated in this rally would likely be returning to work on Monday, sitting in the office amongst everyone else. 

Exactly. 
People of color have been saying this for years. Towns across the United States have raised their voices to say, “There are white supremacists here. They sometimes infiltrate our police forces and schools and local government. When this happens, they wreak havoc on our communities. Please, recognize this and help us.”
These men are not the fringes of society. They do not gather in the night by torchlight only to retreat back to their dark caves in the forests. No, the men who participated in this white supremacist rally will return to their offices on Monday morning. Some will write out lesson plans for their middle school class. Others will clock in at the factory. Some will hop into their police cruisers. Some will offer a weak smile at me as I hand over money, requesting twenty dollars be put on pump three at the gas station.
If you’re surprised, then you haven’t listened to your neighbors. If white supremacy shocks you, then you didn’t notice when your black coworker came into work, eyes red because he’d been crying over the Philando Castile verdict. Or that your Muslim classmate was too shaken up to attend classes after the Muslim travel ban went into effect. You didn’t notice that your Hispanic acquaintance always feels the need to carry around three forms of ID, whereas you simply carry your driver’s license. 
If it took a literal public Nazi rally for you to recognize that racism exists in the United States, then we’re in a lot more trouble than you think. Any healthy relationship has a foundation of trust. So if you claim to love everyone, that you see everyone as American, then trust the people of color who have been trying to warn you about this for years. Trust your roommate who doesn’t feel safe when pulled over by police, trust the girl who says she’s too scared to walk to class in her hijab, trust the people who gather in the streets to demand justice and to warn you that this country is downright dangerous for some of us. 
Know that people of color in the United States have been fighting a battle for decades. And it’s hard to fight a battle when the people around you don’t even believe you when you say you’re at war.
So now you see it. A white supremacist rally in Virginia has hopefully confirmed that people of color not making this up, that racism is very real and it’s very dangerous. I hope you see that these racists walk amongst us everyday and are so deeply intergrated into every day life that I never know if the person I’m talking to is a white supremacist that will shake my hand by day and then attend a Nazi march at night. I never know if the officer who’s pulling me over is a friendly family man who will crack jokes with me, or someone who sees me as a plague upon his country. I never know who I’m talking to or what lurks beneath the surface and therefore, I’m in a constant state of high alert. I have never experienced the luxury of feeling safe, because until racism is addressed and dismantled, I am not safe. That is a fact and has been my reality for my entire life. It’s the reality of millions of Americans. 
You see it now. The men with torches and guns flaunting proudly through Virginia, driving through a crowd of peaceful protestors have showed you what millions of people of color have been trying to communicate for years. If you’re full of outrage and disgusted by the blatant display of racism, that’s good. Also realize that while you might feel disgusted or disappointed, there are people of color who are feeling traumatized and terrified. Avoid telling your friends of color that you, “can’t believe this is happening in 2017.” Because chances are, we very much do believe it and have likely tried to warn you. 
If this is the first time you’re truly realizing that racism exists in the United States, admit that you’re late to the fight. People of color in the United States have spent the last hundred years laying the framework. That said, welcome. We’re glad to have you. Check on your friends of color, do some reading, and evaluate the ways you may accidently be complicit to upholding racist systems. Then roll up your sleeves, because we have work to do.

By Alexei Shaun

There are a great deal of organizations that have been created to support the LGBT+ community such as PROMO, which is an organization based in Saint Louis, Missouri as well as in 4 other neighboring regions. PROMO has promoted equality for all Missourians for about the past 30 years and they’re absolutely great at providing a safe space for LGBT+ individuals. Meeting up a few weeks ago for an interview with three of PROMO’s staff members Mandi Kowalski, Dan Stewart, and Greg Faupel  gave major insight into this organization. As we dived into more of an open discussion, Dan stated, “PROMO truly serves as a point of advocacy and really working on a legislative level in order to protect LGBT Missourians. Over the last number of years kind of in light of the new legislation and who we have in the White House, we’re really seeing a strong emphasis and effort towards growing grassroots. Knowing that yes we’re in Saint Louis and things can suck as an LBGT+ person in terms of job protections/housing protections, but we have people in rural Missouri who may not have the opportunity to even be out to anyone at all. As Mandi was saying we have really made a concerted effort of making sure we can reach and touch people on a personal level, in addition to having our presence in Jeff City and really kind of fighting on a macro level of different legislations that can be harmful to our population.” These are crucial steps for furthering and building more civic participation, as well as growing community awareness.

If you ever find yourself wanting to support the LGBT+ community then volunteering, donating, writing letters to legislators, and calling legislators to become more involved with the political spectrum are a few key ways to help out. Now if you find yourself having concerns or questions in regards to your gender identity or sexuality, just know there’s no absolute necessary decision that needs to be made right away. Nothing is set in stone, it’s okay to be your authentic self and if you’re in need of gaining a stronger support system look no further than PROMO (as Mandi mentioned). In time PROMO can help you feel more at peace with being yourself, being kind to yourself, and not feeling as if you need to be fixed.

As we finished up the the interview the discussion got deeper when Mandi and Greg also gave insight about the Saint Louis lgbt+ scene. Mandi stated, “Coming from a cis white perspective, my day to day life is very easy. I can pass by most people and not think of what I am in relation to the world. I’m very normal right (laughing) ? On the outside. I also think Saint Louis in comparison to most other places in the state is a more comfortable space for people to be out and be visible in their communities; with that being said there are a lot of different layers of oppression that people in our community have to deal with, so it’s not necessarily an easy space to be out in for everyone. I also think it’s not an easy city for the community to be cohesive in. I think there is a very prevalent amount of purposeful segregation and underlying racism that exists. I don’t necessary think the people in our community, in the gay community think those things I can’t speak for all of them. But it’s definitely prevalent in our city as a whole.”

​Piggybacking off of what Mandi mentioned, Greg said, “One of my goals is to make sure my biases are conscious biases and I understand that there is something there obstructing where I want to go. I feel like sometimes there is an unconscious emphasis and bias towards specific members of our community and I think it’s really prevalent. Someone growing up on the scene with LGBT and living out in the suburban area and then coming to the urban area; being back in the day (gosh it so weird saying that term back in the day in the late 90’s) it was not cool in my area to be out. It was just not the thing, so I had to find my community and where it was at and the only avenue I kind of knew about was the bar scene. I do find that sometimes our bar scene...And it’s a great area to meet in, but I wish there were more places that we could make progress as a community without maybe alcohol involved like going up to our legislators and calling legislators or writing letters. Really realizing that the LGBT and just everybody in our family is really our family and I feel like especially ever since the passage of gay marriage I’ve witnessed this backing out of progression of LGBT rights if that makes sense.”

The lgbt+ movement surely has made major milestones throughout the years and the constant battle for true equality is far from over. There are organizations worldwide and even as close to your backyard fighting, bringing awareness, and creating safe spaces for those in need or in search of finding where they belong within the lgbt+ community. It could be your daughter, your brother,  your cousin, your friend, or anyone close to you in need of such organizations. You never know what another person is going through. If all you can give is your time to listen and have an open conversation with someone who is apart of the lgbt community then you will take steps in bridging the gap of often misplaced fear for the need to be “normal” and being at peace with staying true to oneself no matter the standards society sets. Opportunities are all around you to take a stand, volunteer with a lgbt+ organization, or make that call to our legislators to further enhance protection for the lgbt+ community. As one of my favorite quotes states, “Now is as good a time as any.” It starts with any of you reading this article. There’s a breath-taking beauty in being the you no one quite imagined. Always hold tight to who you are.
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Contact/Follow PROMO:
www.promoonline.org
Facebook @PROMOMissouri
Instagram @PROMOMissouri
Twitter @PROMOMissouri

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Q. I’ve noticed you like to make motivational posts. How does this currently hold significance in your life ?

A: It’s not necessarily motivational posts as much as it is a reality *laughs*. I try to alter people’s perception on realities. A lot of times I feel it gives people a chance to peek into who I am and understand my music even more. It’s completely universal and relevant through covering more than one genre or one specific idea. I like capturing everybody’s understanding and culture as well, so yes those posts are slightly meant for motivation and also for insight into my language and ethos. 

 
Q. On a local level or national level, which musician would be your #1 pick for collaboration and why ?

A: Man such a tough question. I’d like to collab with Quincy Jones and I say this because that’s the foundation of who I am. I listen to tons of Quincy’s records. His approach towards sound, as well as emotion and how he uses psychoacoustics to stimulate one to be focused (if you will). I feel I have those same traits. I’m just in the beginning processes of understanding the fundamentals of how to do so. I’d love to do a collaboration with him, only because I want my music to hit the Hip-Hop genre, hit the Gospel, hit the Jazz, hit the Rock, R&B and Soul. I want it to all be a collective ya know. Quincy Jones was the best that did it and does it! 

Q. Out of all the venues you’ve performed in which one was the most exciting?

A: I would say opening day of the Hiatus Kaiyote tour with The Hawthorne Headhunters. We were in Chicago at The Double Door. The Double Door is this phenomenal venue in the middle of like a 6 or 8 way intersection close to downtown Chicago. It was so exciting. I had never been on tour before and just met everyone not that long ago. Here we are in Chicago playing at one of the dopest venues from what I heard at the time. Ultimately the energy, the way they treated us, the hospitality, and the care truly showed how everybody was about the moment and the sound towards making sure everything is perfect for the ceremony (if you will). One thing I appreciate about The Hawthorne Headhunters is that it’s all about energy. We don’t necessarily perform it for the people, it’s for us also. This is what we do and you get to be apart of what we do, ya know what I’m saying. Everyone's energy was on 10, the place was packed with people, the lights, the transitions of the songs, and it was overall an incredible feeling. I left there like yeah I want to do this for the rest of my life. It was a wrap.

Q. You don’t play just one instrument, but multiple instruments. What kind of challenges did you encounter when initially learning to play these different instruments ?

A: Yes. I play the organ (B3 organ), piano, trumpet, tuba, baritone, and the drums. The origin of all of these instruments started in high school actually under the direction of Kevin Cole. He saw something in me and I just love that guy for really giving me a chance. The challenge was that I wasn’t the best reader of music. Chord notation I could get by with, but I was all about the feel and all about what was suppose to happen next via through my ears. The challenge of not necessarily being able to understand where the music is going through using your ears, can certainly put you in a position to begin reading music. 
 
Q. Do you believe the concept of music theory plays a crucial role in being an artist/musician ?
Q: If it isn’t broke don’t fix it. If it works for you cool and if it doesn’t that’s great as well. Me personally, I looked at theory in an unorthodox way in the form of shapes or colors. I identified that with a completely different formula than the basics of what they try to show you in books, like a C scale or how this chord is relevant to this chord. It’s all about how you place musical elements, for instance a C Major Chord could also be put on top of a B Chord even though these two chords are right next to each other. How you place it and how you shape it to craft a new sound to me is what theory is. It’s a chance that either works or doesn’t. I feel that anything is worth it, whether it’s a specific way you like or don’t like. There have been instances where theory definitely played a part in band rehearsals to help us instantly know what to do, like oh okay we’re going to the “2”, then the “5” right, aw we’re going to the “7” alright bet, and now we have to go to the “3” (in regards to scale degrees). Theory can often be apart of the process and help a great deal.

Q. What is your perspective on key factors that have occurred in your life with correlation towards being an artist ?

A: My life hasn’t necessarily been the best. I was a firefighter for about 10 years and I saw a lot in this profession while still trying to understand what music meant to me. The ups and downs are really what makes the artist. The artist doesn’t get to just choose what about this or what about that, no the experience has to teach in order for you to choose what to write about. Thus far, my story has been a very horrific and gratifying process. In that I’m going to do some things which allow me to say what others are afraid to say, or play some things people wouldn’t necessarily understand as it pertains to music, as well as the emotion tied to the sound. You have to trust the process. Here embodies the beauty of it all and the reward. 
 
Q. If you could give the younger you any type of advice from the knowledge you have now, what would you say ?

A: I was a very very meek younger me and I was also arrogant. I would definitely say time...Time and discipline. We often waste time as if it’s a luxury. Most of us don’t know the importance of how to utilize our time to the fullest capacity generally because of society. You have to pay bills, you have to get money, and you have to go places. At the same time I feel we all have gone through these phases were time was just something we knew we had. If I would tell my younger self anything it would be to use your time more wisely and be more aggressive with how you use your time. It’s all about synergy and it starts with your mind. As the head leads the body follows. I’d definitely tell my younger self to be more disciplined with time, like right now my time consists of being up everyday about 5:00am to start off with meditating, working out, practicing music, and going over the projects I have to work hard on. I just go about it and get it done. 

Q. Do you have any fun facts you’d like us to know ?
 
A: I love bowling. I’m very COMPETITIVE on the lanes *laughs*. I was on the lanes for a few years, it definitely goes down. Also I ride the train a lot. I’ll ride it from the beginning of the line to the end which is by Scott Air Force Base. I like to bring my sketch pad and draw what I see along the way. I’m real big into arts whether it’s drawing, painting, or doing sketches. Also I’m currently doing a couple of individuals album artwork. Yeah, so I love art it’s real therapeutic for me and it’s something that I usually keep quiet on. I don’t try to be this way, it’s just kind of who I am in that you don’t know everybody’s story. I stay humble as much as possible and treat people with love and respect as much as I can. I’m just grinding on what I do. I know my time is coming and is actually here now to certain a point. Everything is definitely paying off. 
​
Q. What new music endeavors can we expect from you in the near future and where can we find you on social media ?
 
A: I’m currently working on my album right now entitled “The Connection”. It’s a very interesting process to see how it’s all coming together. It’s due to drop this upcoming August which is my birthday month! I was going to drop it the beginning of April, but I had to put some more magic in there. I have some exciting music ideas that have come to life while working on this album. The music itself is completely unorthodox. I do not pride myself on being like any other artist or creating something others have already made. It’ll all be original music and completely opposite of my character. I’ve really challenged myself to tap into different personas. This will definitely be a project to anticipate. My social media can be found here: 
Facebook @BarksdaleMusik
Instagram @Mr.Barksdale_63
Soundcloud @Mr. Barksdale ​

Photograph by @doryymiller

I flipped through one of the notebooks, taking in the passionate lyrics that were sprawled across each page. On some of the sheets, Alexei had carefully organized and labeled each song. On other scraps of paper, she had written a lyric or two, a song idea, a list of artists she’d like to work with, or keywords. She flipped through a page filled with bars and music notes; a song she’d personally composed on the piano. Years worth of content, Alexie’s deepest thoughts, were spread about the table. Alexie laughed.

“I can’t believe I’m showing you all of this.”

The page that stood out most, was a flight manifesto. When she’s not in the booth recording, Alexei is 30 thousand feet in the air.

“This is while I’m at work” Alexei chuckled while showing me sheets of paper that she’d written while working as a flight attendant. “Technically I’m not supposed to be writing as much as I do. But any chance I get between handing people their drinks and sitting in my jump seat. I write on the hotel notepads, napkins, manifests.”

She’s been a flight attendant for over three years. When inspiration strikes, she’ll reach for the nearest piece of paper and scribble down her thoughts. Alas, some song lyrics were written on airline napkins, plane tickets, and flight manifests.

“I’ll write lyrics on anything pretty much. This one is ripped up because it’s a manifest and I thought I was done with it” Alexei said. “I forgot that I’d wrote this dope free-verse. And I was like oh crap, I need to get that out of the trash can. Passengers are asking me for peanuts and water and coffee and I have lyrics going on it my head that I have to write down.”

​

As we talked on the couch, we noticed a few anxious faces staring in the doorway of the recording studio. It seems we’d run out of time, and the next appointment was waiting for us to finish up. We packed up, and headed down the street to hang out in my loft and talk more.

We stepped into the living room and plopped down, me on the couch and her on a fluffy chair. As I kicked my feet onto the coffee table, I nudged my foot against a bible. We began to talk about religion, and the cultural significance it has in Alexei’s life.

“I grew up in the church when I was little” she commented. “But as I got older, I didn’t feel up to going. By the time I hit high school, dealing with sexuality, sometimes I would feel out of place. When you start coming into your own it kind of changes. I’m more into spirituality.”

Alexei’s sentiments towards the church were similar to what I had heard from many creatives and millennials. Though she doesn’t seem religious though, Alexei certainly carries an aura of calmness and tranquility that seems almost celestial. She finds her inner peace by embarking on personal journeys.

“I have a few different things I like to do” she said. “I like to be in my own space. I can be a loner at heart. I love being out and about, but sometimes I need to recharge and recenter and be in my own space to keep the energy going. Other times I like to meditate and listen to different solfeggio frequencies.”

Alexei explained how different solfeggio frequencies cater to various parts of one’s spirit, through the power of sound. As a musician of course, sound plays of crucial role in her inner peace, and helps her draw inspiration for her own music.

“Right now I’ve been feeling singing a lot” she said. “I’ve been listening to a lot of R&B music over the last few years. Some favorite artists would be Kehlani. Her aura, the vibe of her. She seems very personable and humble and she connects a lot with her fans. I love Janet Jackson. She’s one of my biggest inspirations.”

She went on to list more: Frank Ocean, Solange, Travis Garland, Tori Kelly, Eminem, Lil Wayne, Drake, Kenrdick Lamar Cassidy, Justin Nozuka, and Lauryn Hill. She’s been on an R&B kick lately, though she typically listens to all genres of music.

“Does that include country music?” I asked.

Alexei winced at first, but then admitted that she was a fan of some country music. She read the pained look on my face and let out a loud laugh.

“Chris Young!” she yelled. “You need to look him up right now, he has this one song. I can’t remember the name but if you search him it’ll pop up.”

I pulled out my laptop, went to YouTube, and followed her directions. “It’s called “You”’ she remembered. “You’re going to love this song.”

We listened, letting the twang of country music fill my apartment for the first time in history. She was right; I loved the song. And as she rocked back and forth and tapped her foot, a soft smile appeared on her face. She moved and rocked, like a true musician who can appreciate quality music no matter the genre. She felt good, which automatically made me feel good too. That moment represented most of my interactions with Alexie. Her pure happiness spreads like wildfire, and the good vibes are contagious.

The next time you see Alexei, she might be 30 thousand feet in the air serving delicious snacks to airline passengers while also creating masterpieces in her head. May you’ll see her in the booth, listening and tweaking her vocals as she continues to grow as an artist. Perhaps you’ll catch her on Cherokee Street, supporting other local artists and creatives. Guaranteed, wherever you see her, you’ll feel her presence without needing to say a word. You’ll feel calm, and welcomed, and gravitate towards her inner peace. Guaranteed, when you listen to her music you’ll feel the exact same way.
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Q&A with Cami Thomas

By Cami Thomas

I had never actually met Nick Lenzini in person. In early August, my photographer Richard and I visited the Swedlife store on Delmar Boulevard to check out the pop-up shop that Nick was throwing for his clothing brand.  Much like my millennial counterparts, I'd only seen Nick on social media after stumbling across one account or another on Instagram and Twitter. In the flood of clothing brands accounts that bog down my social media timeline, Nick stood out the most. He had long, platinum blonde hair that stuck out in whatever direction it felt like. His Instagram feed featured rows of images starring himself, often with a nonchalant expression that lived somewhere between "I just woke up" and "who the hell stole my lighter?".

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